Referencing Chapter 10: Accountability - "Take responsibility for your actions. If you have violated the dignity of another person, apologize. Make a commitment to change your hurtful behaviors."
In exploring the concept of dignity, it is noted that we don't want to admit when we've done something wrong, that we are ashamed to admit we are ashamed about something, that we need to "save face" in order to survive. Such instincts were necessary in early human history, but don't serve us quite as well in these, our modern times.
Yesterday I did something of which I am not proud. I was drivng down a dark road, and came upon a group of young men who walked along it. As I came up to them, most moved across the grass verge to the sidewalk, but one remained on the road. As there was oncoming traffic, I could not easily pass him. I honked the horn, but he did not move out of the way.
I got very angry, and passed him way too closely for his safety.
What about his behavior provoked me to do something so dangerous? How way my dignity violated? Dignity violations trigger a "fight or flight" response, and I was triggered to fight. Did I feel disrespected (even though I don't care for that word, it is more convenient than saying "did I feel a lack of respect")? Goddamned young punk, anyway.
My reaction felt disproportionate to the offense. I wanted to "get even." I wanted to scare him into better behavior (and we all know how well that works!). Was it an "age" thing, that I'm less tolerant of youth at 52; how would I have reacted differently at 16, or 25, or 30 or 40? Am I angry because I'm jealous (not envious) of their youth?
I know that in the future I will recognize this trigger and respond differently, respecting the individual's right to be safe, even if the actions don't earn respect. And since I have no idea who he was, I can only apologize to the universe and promise to do better.
But I'm still puzzled by how angry I felt.
